Today is the day in between the birthdays of my two daughters. The picture of them here is exactly one half of their lives old...at that point we had a habit of frequenting a little ice cream shop in Kenosha called "The Chocolate Shoppe" - we would go every Friday night and Selena would get black licorice ice cream...Jerm was determined that she only got it to be different and it was theoretically impossible to actually enjoy that flavor, but I don't know...that's what I thought about the cotton candy ice cream with gummy bears from Cold Stone until I gave it a try. Now I have to refrain from getting that every time.

It seems unlikely, but life was a bit simpler at that time. Things have changed, the girls have grown, and we have some real doozies on our hands lately. Being in our blended family has always put a unique spin on the girls' lives and I'd like to think that they have some character because of it. I know that they are hard situations for them to deal with, at times they flow smoothly and everything rolls along, then at other's we come to a stand still and there are harsh times in store. It would be nice if there were a manual to reference when you got knee deep in the hairy situations, but there's not, so you simply forge ahead, hopefully doing what you think to be best and not acting out of spite, anger, or any of those types of motivators - but at times the water is very murky and it's hard to sort out right from wrong and good from bad.

Our family has had a reconnection as of late...it's an important one. In all the situations that we find ourselves taking a break from things to sort out the issues, I hope that eventually all turns back to good and we can move forward with everyone on board and in each other's camp. I feel these things a lot more when it comes to times like birthdays and holidays because the absences become very noticeable and you feel the hole where a certain person should be. I'm optimistic as we lightly tread our way back to togetherness...

As for the other less rosy ordeals, let's hope I'm able to maintain a sense of level-headedness and do the right things at the right time to get back on track. That is where I'd really like to be.

And the girls and their twelve year old-ness...I just can't believe how far we have come. They are amazing. We are two-thirds of the way to adulthood this year, and you know what? I think they've got a good handle on themselves and the future...if we can keep moving at this pace, things are going to turn out all right!

Happy Birthday Selena and Samantha!

The other day Samantha said to me, "Shannon, when I grow up and have a house, I'm going to have an organic garden!"

Those are moments that allow me the luxury of letting that big smile start all the way down from the tips of my toes and build up through my body until I have 1,000 watts lit up across my face. "I am a good Mom", I think confidently to myself! Jeremy and I have been attacking the garage project with a feverish motivation that leaves me pretty tired most days, and this weekend was no different. While we were outside - assembling, sanding and finishing canoe and kayak shelves - Samantha came running up with a green bean in her hand, "LOOK WHAT I FOUND IN THE GARDEN!". She was so excited, she asked if she could go out and pick them...of course, we said yes, I mean *volunteering* for chores...that's a parent's dream! She came back with a ginormous bowl of yellow, purple and green beans - which we all promptly started munching on...then proceeded to make us lunch, with a side of beans!

The garden has been an adventure for us all...it started when we first broke ground outside and started planting flowers, perennials, trees, etc...all of our yard waste was thrown onto a make-shift compost pile. We would occasionally toss some kitchen waste out there, all summer, and winter long the pile grew and when this spring rolled around we had a heap of new dirt. The neighbors, I'm sure, had been long wondering what the heck we were going to do with *that pile* in the backyard, and after we tilled it into the existing soil, made a cute brick border and tossed some veggies in there - it all made sense. Since then, I've been at a loss as to what to do with my yard and kitchen waste, but I've decided to give the Rubbermaid composter a shot. It's got to be better than what I'm doing now, which is trying to inconspicuously leave yard waste: in the spreader, on the porch, scattered throughout the yard, etc...I'm not fooling anyone!

In another fascinating gardening story, I got to sample some of the first yield from Bumblebee Gardens. Gracie grew peppermint and after the last 'coffee-talk' session I came home with a bag of peppermint tea, straight from Bumblebee Gardens! It was the cutest (and tastiest) tea ever, AND it was grow locally, we all know how important it is to support our local farmers! So, hats off to you, Grace, and to Bumblebee Gardens.

And now comes the introspection after all the discussion...when I think about gardening, growing, producing - I wonder what the motivation is when I can just run up to the local grocer and get anything I"m growing in 10 minutes. It's kind of like camping, what drives people to give up the luxuries and get back down to the basics. The majority of your day is given to physical tasks, simple chores, and digging into the earth. There is comfort there. Some people don't seem to need a break from the high tech world. Even in the back-country we have a digital camera, a GPS, and now a cell phone. There's something about the feeling I get when I look out my window and see the garden teeming with life. I've got an extra special soft spot for the 5 foot tall sunflowers and the creeping cantaloupe that the girls started from seeds in their science class. In simple terms, it probably has something to do with getting back a tangible result from all of our hard work, like the first time I was able to put a bouquet of my own flowers on the kitchen table. The garden is a good time, I don't think we'll save any money, or make a huge impact by organically growing a few tomato plants, green beans, jalapeņos, cantaloupe, luffas, spinach and sunflowers - but the veggies are a unique kind of delicious when they are straight out of the garden, and it puts a lot of happiness in our summer days, so I believe it's here to stay. Also, if Gracie gets to sell her bounty at the farmer's market, I will know that it all makes sense!

When we bought our house 2 years ago, it was still pretty new (~6 years old) and with a house that age, there isn't a lot of renovation to do. Rather what our house presented us with was more of a blank slate. The yard had little landscaping, the walls were all completely white, except for a freakish yellow in one of the bedrooms, there was scarcely even a nail hole to be found. In the last two years we have *finished* the house as much as our time and budget allowed, and this year especially we have made quite a bit of progress in making the home 'ours'. The first weekend we moved in a coat of paint on many of the walls changed things dramatically, but in the last year, the addition of two trees, many perennials, some dry wall in the garage, a new curtain here or there, and tons of love have made the house a place that we all like to be, really the place we all prefer to be...(I know, I know, there is that Great Big Canyon out there that is continuously calling to me, but we are talking about our house right now.) Last weekend, in a show of utter dedication - or something like that - we held fast to the schedule we've laid out to have our garage finished this summer. We were out there mudding, taping and sanding in all of the glory that was 94 degrees of summer, but you know what? We were having a good time! Jeremy had taken drywall finishing on himself and has been flying solo up until this point, when I just couldn't handle the thought of him shouldering all of that rock dust on his own...except for a few minor touch-ups we are ready to primer and paint this weekend! I'm too excited to see what the finished product looks like!!!

Somewhere along the way I must've mentioned how much I like to be outside...well, I do. I love it. One of the things I love most about it, is sharing the experience with others, namely friends and family. We missed Father's Day - for my dad - because we were out road-tripping, so when we got back we made a plan to have a picnic, go for a bike ride and hang out with the folks, the girls and Jerm and I. It was great. I loved hearing my Mom squeal as we took her through some trails at Pets. I love how confident the girls are, 'let me go ahead Grandma!'. I love how people just seem to smile when they are outside, in the sunshine, having fun. The four of us have talked about how cool it would be to get everyone to meet at Pets once a week, or every other week for a picnic/bike ride/hike through the park/etc...it would be a great way to see everyone and have a lot of fun. Big kids can play hard, little ones can go for a relaxing snoozing stroller ride, medium ones can play on the playground...what fun!?! There are also plenty of awesome geocaches out that way if anyone is wondering...Pets has been such a part of our lives. First for Jerm as a little boy, then for us in college, now for all of us as a family. If we hadn't been able to make it out to the GC for our wedding, we always had the back-up plan as Pets. It is definately the coolest place in Kenosha!

The astutely observant of you will notice that my "Photos" link now takes you in a new direction...a while ago Jeremy set up a cheesecake photoblog for each of us. I have been slowly populating it with what I feel are the best pics I've managed to take so far with the Canon Rebel XTI. I think that we both have had a lot of fun with these cameras, and we are starting to get some really great shots. Who knows, maybe we can take this somewhere...

If you haven't already - check it out and let me know what you think:

shan's snapshots

2007 has been a fast paced year. Shortly after we rang in the new year, we headed up to Upper Michigan for our annual ski trip...it was especially poignant this year because I have my doubts that it will continue on. Everyone's life is changing so much and so rapidly and there are so many new babies, I can only imagine it will be a few years before we get that whole crew together again for a ski weekend. On the bright side, these babies are stinking cute and a good time, and we have plans to take the girls up to Big Powderhorn for a New Year's '08 celebration, so the tradition won't die, it will merely transmogrify. Wha?

Then came February and the big shake-up at work. People are still wounded, slightly bitter, but things are moving along. The last two 'impacted' people are leaving today, we took them out for lunch this week and said our good-byes.

In March, I went on my first business trip, which just so happened to coincide with my husband's 30 birthday! I tried to make up for it when I got back, but I don't know that all of the disappointment was alleviated...we moved on, and he made the fantastic decision to copy my choice of 30th birthday prize and get a digital SLR. Canon Rebel XTI to be exact! His even came with a second lense (a pretty sweet 70-300 zoom lens) We have both captured some pretty amazing shots with it when we can manage to stand still enough, or break out the tripod to get it just perfectly. Just in time to take pictures of baby Ari - who was born 1 day before Jerm's b-day on March 1st.

In April we took our annual WI River trip in the earliest part of the season that we have ever done, it was amazing. The eagles, the solitude, the peace - it was truly inspiring. I have a feeling there will be many more April WI River trips...

May brought a flurry of activity from the girls. Concerts, Bonsai tree shows, Induction in National Junior Honors Society, wrapping up the first year of middle school. It was fun to see them in the spotlight time after time.

Of course May also brought our first wedding anniversary and a spontaneous trip to the GC! We got back just in time to plant a tree (LiLi) and visit baby Noah, who was born on May 19th.

June is now coming to a close and we have had quite a month...the girls finished 6th grade and shortly thereafter we headed out on our annual ffn-RoadTrip. This time there were stops at Niagara Falls, NYC and Cleveland - with a few misc overnighters along the way. We saw and did much. The coolest for me was Central Park...it was completely amazing to me. Right smack dab in the middle of the city, a huge oasis of trees, trails, boulders and geocaches ;o) The girls wanted to shop, shop and shop some more, but can I let you in on a secret? No matter how cool and grown up they'd like to be, I saw the biggest smiles on their faces when we walked into the Build-A-Bear studio in Midtown Manhattan. Here we are in the middle of one of the biggest cities in the world making I :heart: NY bears...those moments are the greatest. We ate and ate and ate, we saw the sights, we hung out and watched movies, and we bought six monkeys and a great big stick!

So what's up with the recap? I know I've blogged about a lot of this before...sometimes the blog is about reminding myself of what I'm thinking and doing and keeping track of the things we have going on and what I have to look forward to and reflect upon. I stated it before, but it bears repeating, everyone's lives have changed quit a bit lately and I imagine that isn't going to change anytime soon. Life ebbs and flows that way, just when you think you've fallen into a routine and you have everything in place, something comes along and mixes it all up. When I sit down and think about the year so far, the way that I've lain it out, I feel incredibly lucky. I'm thankful for all of the neat adventures that I get to have with my friends and family. It's so fun to have had our circled widened by so many new members! In spite of all that, it's hard not to feel down once in a while. I took the work thing pretty hard, truth-be-told I'm not sure that I'm quite over it yet. Sometimes I realize I've been neglectful of things, whether they are as small and simple as my blog or as big as not being there for a big event in a friends life, the guilt piles on just the same. At times I wonder if I am the right woman for Jeremy to have married and I question whether my mothering will produce well-adjusted and happy, successful children. I have doubts about myself, my talents, my intelligence. I hate that I had to gain 10 pounds to quit smoking, and I hate that I never once had a zit in high school but I know suffer from adult acne. I know that everyone questions and everyone doubts and to quote a cheesy REM songs, everybody hurts sometimes...the most frustrating thing is when you hurt and you feel like you don't have the right to, that you are being selfish. I can't imagine another life, without my soulmate, my kids, my house, my friends, my family, my Beetle :P but every once in a while I wonder if I'm doing everything the right way. I guess now is just one of those times...

One might look at us and say that marriage wouldn't reveal anything new, that marriage had already happened and that marriage wouldn't bring about newness or change...I'm not sure if it is a direct result of the fact that I thought that way myself, but the first year of marriage has taught me that I have much to learn. One thing that I have learned is that I choose well, my husband is a uniquely wonderful individual. He believes in the promise of marriage, as do I, and that bond now uniting us is something I can see and feel and grab onto at anytime. Something else has come very clear to me lately also - our influence on each other. It can sometimes be too easy to cast someone in a role never giving them the opportunity to break out of it, even if they have truly shed those qualities or changed in some way. It can be tempting to assume that because you *know* someone that means that you don't have to continually learn about them - but you do - otherwise you risk losing that intimacy and that knowledge. No one wants to stagnate and be all that they will ever be, right now. Everyone wants the chance to grow, to strive, to learn...Sometimes I find it can be hardest to recognize these things in those closest to us, because of the fact that we *know* them the way that we do. This is something my first year of marriage has taught me. Continually, Jeremy will show me something about himself that I didn't *know* - whether it was a change, or something I simply hadn't yet discovered is irrelevant, what I do know is that he wants me to be there, noticing, witnessing who he is now. In this moment.

One of the best moments that I had with him recently was on the Grandview Trail, on the East Rim of the Grand Canyon (to which we returned to celebrate our first anniversary!!!). We were taking a break along the trail, gazing out at the GC and all of it's splendor, and I tried to express my feelings about the Canyon to Jerm. I told him that I loved to travel, explore and seek new sights, sounds and places, but that I was quite certain we would never find a place that grabs me the way the GC does. Here is an opportunity to say that it's not possible for me to know that I'll always feel that way, much like you wonder in the beginning if you love that person that you think you may love...but something inside me tells me that I have a connection to that place, I have purpose in being there. When I am there, I wake up before the sun rises so that I won't miss a moment. When I am there, I have the energy to do the work of 12 mules. When I am there, I smile, I feel light-hearted, and I feel happy.

I'm so glad that we went back out there to celebrate, what more appropriate way to do so? We did three great hikes and logged over 30 hiking miles during our long weekend. We left the corridor trails behind to do some of the Threshold Trails (the Grandview out to Horseshoe Mesa and the Hermit's Trail down to the Walden Plateau), but came back to the Bright Angel to make it out to Plateau Point - one of the most grand views I've had of the Canyon. We toasted with an extra bottle of champagne from our wedding along side of the top tier of our wedding cake (ewwwww, gross ;) We gazed up at the star littered sky on the picnic table in our campsite and tried to pick out Leo, Draco, and Cepheus among others.

Jerm and I promised each other that we didn't *have* to spend each anniversary in the GC, but I'm not opposed to the idea should it come up again...but I'm really glad that we went back this year. Since we got back, I've been feeling slightly humbled by my good fortune and the love that I have surrounding me. I feel like I am somehow twice as in love with Jeremy today that I was just a year ago when I married him. I suppose that is something else that marriage has taught me, somehow the bond will continue to get stronger and stronger, until one day 50 years from now, we are as solid as that ancient oak.

A whirlwind 180 degree twist has occurred and we are now heading to the G.C. on Friday for our first anniversary...what better place to celebrate than at the very spot we got married...I'm so excited. Off I am to dehydrate some fruit!

The 7th annual WI River trip was the best and most karmic yet! From this year forward I vow to try and have this trip fall in April...I had no idea how active and cool it would be at this time of the year. From January until the end of March, Ferry's Bluff is a roosting ground for Eagles...and right now they are super active. Everywhere we looked there was an eagle soaring high in the sky, it was like recess time for them. We had hoped to pick up a geocache along the route, but the one that Jeremy was scoping out is one that they (respectfully) take down during the nesting season for the Eagles as it is located right by their nest, the rest of the year it is in a great place to get people out to look at the nest while it's not being used. There was a little traffic on the river, but not much and those who were out were interesting characters. Jeremy was able to save the day for the group that shared our island as their canoes got carried away in the middle of the night. The same group then returned the favor by giving us a lift back to our car when our shuttle failed to show up at noon.

The river was full of sunning turtles, nesting geese, soaring eagles, hords of herons, budding trees, and just enough sun to balance the wind that we worked our muscles against. We had several moments of just soaking in the sights and sound. We thought there would be little to no fire, the kayaks were on their first trip down the WI and with them it is only possible to bring a fraction of the things we normally bring along. Jerm managed to forage for enough dry, fallen wood and the two logs that we brought along made enough flame to get it all going. It made for a beautiful night of lying under the stars. Nice.

We even had enough energy after driving home to head up to Stein's and grab a wheel barrow and some flowers for the garden...that way we gave our house some love this Arbor's Day weekend!

In 10 hours we leave to do our annual WI River trip...yippie!